marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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