I can tuck mytits in my pants
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
