On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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