No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
