If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
