My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
