I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
