we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
