He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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