Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
