i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
