we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
