Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
