I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
