Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just googled if crying burns calories
they're like a gay fantastic four
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
