dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
