Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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