So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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