Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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