So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
