Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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