Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
