R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
