I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
