He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
