Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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