Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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