Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
