# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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