I hate your face
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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