When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
