theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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