I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
