Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I looked at my own cervix.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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