I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
