The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
