Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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