I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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