do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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