just tell him i said nine months
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
