I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
