Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
