my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
