did you get engaged???
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
