he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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