Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
