i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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