Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
