Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
