i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
